Defintion of Mortality
The last few days have been rather interesting to say the least. Inward thinking, realizing that all that is usually is taken for granted and that in the end what you have really doesn't matter, it's what you have done.My uncle had a heart attack several years ago and his heart is now failing. He also has diabetes's so that complicates matters even more. Basically after his heart attack a portion of the muscle in his heart 'died' for a better sense of the word, so what is happening is that the muscle is stretching and is making a pocket where fluid is building, basically enlarging his heart and making it more difficult to circulate blood through the ventricles.
Thus due to the lack of circulation, his arms and legs are not getting enough blood and are turning blue. This is typical of diabetics but with the added complications it is not helping him at all.
Therefore he was told he would not be going back to live with my Grandma, hell, she can't take care of herself either. So he was told he would be going to a nursing home in Jamestown. He's only 63 so I am guessing this was a crushing blow for him and he basically told everyone that if he received any gifts or anything that they should send them to the cemetery. This of course has been very hard on my dad, aunts, and other uncle. In a family where the men don't say anything because it is always implied I have issues with that, with the lack of knowing what is going on, and also that my dad forbid me to see Roy like this.
So I am going through a range of emotions and I am not entirely sure if I am handling or processing anything appropriately.
I am angry because I was told I was not allowed to see him.
I am sad because I don't want Roy to think I don't want to see him or don't care.
I am afraid as I don't know how to process all this.
I am worried as who knows how this is going to affect my whole family.
I am mortified what is going to become of my Grandma too. Her and Roy are very close and she hasn't lost a child since her first son died when he was very young. This is every parent's nightmare and she is completely in denial.
I guess I am too.
posted by Deb @ 9:27 AM
Comments: 4
