Oh My God, I am Human!
Finally I am feeling better today, I am not fully at 100% or anything but I am much better off than I was yesterday by MILES.
I did wonder at first when I got up if I should cancel my hair appointment but we already pushed it off a week as I was supposed to have the shit done last Saturday.
(Not that I would have given up the fun trip to Grand Forks. I had a good time and it was nice to bond with Niki, she's got a lot going on right now with her boy toy and his kiddies...god knows she probably is more mature than I am in more ways than I want to count.)
So I did a bit of shopping at Kohl's and Old Navy and then went and got some food for the empty cave called the refrigerator. I was going to go to the office but Sheila is there and she will just bitch at me if I go. I will see how I feel either later (which is really doubtful) or tomorrow sometime just to get out of the house and get my desk back under control from being away from it for two days without any supervision.
But I am feeling frisky and fine...what a relief.
One Hundred - Is It Grand?
Well here is post 100 on my blog.
Not that I have any confetti or heaven for bid, booze to share with you.
I am still friggin' sick.
Oh I went to work today, to nearly barf in the bathroom - but I managed to paint the pavement in the parking lot a different color. Actually I think it was more "foam like"...perhaps I am trying to "Build a Debbie" instead of a bear as we all know I am definitely one of those.
I got up this morning and I felt good. I got to work and I felt like shit. Since I have had my four episodes I still feel like crap. I haven't had the flu this bad since we were in Grand Forks and I wasn't even in Grand Forks when I got it, I was in Jamestown because I took the crap home to my parents...who I am sure were so happy they got to share that wonderful and bonding time with me. They also got bonding time with a garbage can as they both got sick after I left.
No wonder why they don't want me staying at home any more when I tell them I am coming to town.
Grandma called last night too while I was nearly passing out putting away dishes, apparently Roy is going have surgery, on what, I have no idea. I want him to have some quality to his life, I don't want to turn him into the bionic man and he is stuck in the nursing home. He would be more miserable there than anywhere else I can think of, and if Grandma is thinking that she is going to be able to take care of him when he comes back to her home (which someone better put their foot up someone's ass about this) she has got some deep thinking to be doing. She can hardly balance herself at times, what is she going to do if he falls? She is never going to be able to pick him up off the floor...
*shakes head*
I will hopefully get more info about this later today or tomorrow. I am hoping for tomorrow as I really don't feel like talking to anyone. Typing is going because I don't have to do much but think and click.
I feel like hell...
I am not at work today...I am currently looking to troll back to bed but I had to take a break from sleeping.
I got a call on Tuesday from Grandma, they took Roy to Hi Acres (a nursing home in Jamestown) then he had a turn for the worse, so they took him to Fargo.
I haven't heard any more than that so if I do want to go see him I guess I will be going to Fargo...but god not today unless there is a heating pad and enough pain killers to take down a horse.
We shall see how things progress tomorrow before I make any decisions but I am guilt ridden.
Defintion of Mortality
The last few days have been rather interesting to say the least. Inward thinking, realizing that all that is usually is taken for granted and that in the end what you have really doesn't matter, it's what you have done.
My uncle had a heart attack several years ago and his heart is now failing. He also has diabetes's so that complicates matters even more. Basically after his heart attack a portion of the muscle in his heart 'died' for a better sense of the word, so what is happening is that the muscle is stretching and is making a pocket where fluid is building, basically enlarging his heart and making it more difficult to circulate blood through the ventricles.
Thus due to the lack of circulation, his arms and legs are not getting enough blood and are turning blue. This is typical of diabetics but with the added complications it is not helping him at all.
Therefore he was told he would not be going back to live with my Grandma, hell, she can't take care of herself either. So he was told he would be going to a nursing home in Jamestown. He's only 63 so I am guessing this was a crushing blow for him and he basically told everyone that if he received any gifts or anything that they should send them to the cemetery. This of course has been very hard on my dad, aunts, and other uncle. In a family where the men don't say anything because it is always implied I have issues with that, with the lack of knowing what is going on, and also that my dad forbid me to see Roy like this.
So I am going through a range of emotions and I am not entirely sure if I am handling or processing anything appropriately.
I am angry because I was told I was not allowed to see him.
I am sad because I don't want Roy to think I don't want to see him or don't care.
I am afraid as I don't know how to process all this.
I am worried as who knows how this is going to affect my whole family.
I am mortified what is going to become of my Grandma too. Her and Roy are very close and she hasn't lost a child since her first son died when he was very young. This is every parent's nightmare and she is completely in denial.
I guess I am too.
